I have underwear for every occasion and
every outfit. Well, I thought I did until I decided to wear a cream chiffon
dress this morning. I selected my nude underwear, because every woman knows
that if you are going to wear anything close to white you must wear it with
underwear that is as close as possible to your skin tone (if you don’t believe
me feel free to Google images of women who have worn white with white undies,
black or any other colour undies in public).
I, of course, thought I had all my bases
covered in the huge selection of underwear in my drawer. I got dressed and took
a quick look at how I looked. And behold! I could see my knickers.
Now, when it comes to underwear I have two
rules that I do not negotiate on:
1. Underwear was created for a reason. Wear
it. This was cast in stone the day Christina Aguilera went on stage in a cute
black number and had a stream of discharge making a track down her leg.
2. If your underwear causes someone you have
never met to distinguish your intimate body parts from the rest of you, you
shouldn’t be wearing it.
So there I was, digging through my
underwear drawer. I tried on almost all the knickers in my possession from the
barely there thongs to the boy shorts; and the see-through lace to and solid
cottons. I tried blacks, browns and whites. Nothing worked! Nothing!
So there I stood in front of my mirror,
negotiating between going commando and wearing a black thong (keep in mind the
picture of the curve skimming cream dress). And I admit I tried these two
oh-hell-no options (when you can see your butt-crack through your dress you
shouldn’t leave your house-don’t even think about it- and as for the black
thong see rule 2).
I could have called it a day, changed outfits.
But this is me, the girl who has made sweeping statements on social networking
about how every woman older than twenty-five should own a pair of spanks.
And yes, I confess. I do not have spanks.
It’s easier to preach owning a pair than actually owning them. There I stood in
front of my undies drawer, still wearing the dress that did not have a suitable
pair of knickers, searching. And Eureka!
Of course I am pleased with my solution of
men’s underwear that is made to be more comfortable and less visible than
female underwear (it’s true) but seriously…
I need spanks.
