I woke up today feeling imprisoned. I feel trapped in my life. I feel like I’m a puzzle and all the pieces don’t fit.
After staring at my ceiling for more than an hour trying to psych myself up it hit me that I was wasting time. Okay, duh! But seriously, I waste my life in the most amazing ways without even knowing that I’m wasting away.
Young people die everyday. Young people with a future and promise and yet, all that they could have been gets extinguished in a single moment.
Death is a leveller of all things. When you die you might have a fancy funeral with great singing and gorgeous flowers . When you die, and you will die, you’ll be buried or burnt and those you leave behind might remember you for all their days, they might talk about you now and then but ultimately, they will move on.
So this morning, I lay in my bed after realising that I was wasting time, and thought that all I have is this moment. Right now. Today. I owe it to myself to live like there’s no tomorrow.
And well, I might not have a tomorrow. So I might as well make that phone call that is weighing on me, swallow my pride and apologise to that friend I alienated, or maybe just forgive someone. I have nothing to lose because I’m dying anyway.
How I wish I could pack that backpack and fly to the middle of nowhere (I love my comforts too much to do this but it does sound good). I have a right now, I have people who love me and who I love and my moments with them are precious. I should appreciate them now, take my time talking to them on the phone because tomorrow those moments might not be there.
I’m trying to look at today with new eyes. I’m not going to live forever, but I can live right now and every now from here as if it’s the last moment I’ve been given.
Love. Give. Laugh. Forgive. My now isn’t great, but it’ll get better. I should be grateful for what I have. Savour today and look forward like I own the universe, because well…
When I’m dead none of this will matter anyway.
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