Bottoms Up To Being Au Natural!

I decided to take off my weave this week. Which means going to the salon, getting my hair pulled, the knots in my afro combed out and voila! Au natural me! For a couple of months at least.

While sitting at the Salon doing the girly-girl thing, I realised that there is something about women and doing their hair and nails that is almost magical. Finding a hairdresser is a nightmare. It’s almost like relationships, sometimes you have to go through a million bad relationships to find a good one. And well...my hairstylists might not be ideal but they sort of work with what I’ve got, and that’s all I need. Maybe next time I decide to start dating I should look for a guy who works with what I’ve got. Don’t ask what I mean, I don’t know!

Anyhow, the fake hair is gone and I look a couple of years younger than normal. Which means that if I normally look like I’m twenty-two I now look like I’m twenty. My eyes look huge and my cheeks chubbier! Cute? Really? And then I realised, people actually think I am as plastic on the inside as I look on the outside. I wonder if the weaveless me will inspire people to see a deeper more intense Simamile. Hell, I could conduct a study!

Talking about au natural...shaving your armpits is strongly advised. Seriously! I know it’s winter and it’s cold, but ladies...imagine if you have to take off your tops for whatever reason and you are hairy all over. Hmmm...okay, I promise that I’ll shave today. Promise!

Someone thought to get me a make-up bag as thank you gift. A shiny, gold make-up bag. They see me everyday and I don’t wear make-up (I’m not as plastic as I look). I now have a shiny (I don’t like shiny things either) make-up bag. I of course said thank you, my mamma raised me right. But seriously, all I kept thinking when I saw this bag was, “is this chick for real?” Advice to anyone who cares: the gift should match the personality, and the personality the gift. In other words, if you don’t know what I’ll like, a gift voucher is a great idea. In fact, gift vouchers were invented for people like me! 

From the au-natural Hippie in Stilettos, there are a few things that are unforgivable. You can have bad hair days, buy rubbish gifts, don’t shave your armpits... but please whatever you do take a shower/bath daily and please, oh please, use deodorant, no one should be allowed in public without applying deodorant before leaving their home!

What Men Should Never Do When Hitting on Females

As it is a Thursday and a lot of hot sisters will be painting the town red in their tiny little outfits I feel compelled to help them out because I know there will be a man waiting to ruin it for them.

I know men have heard this all before, yet after a couple of drinks or maybe feeling out of their depth it flies out of the window. So for men who are really that ignorant I've compiled a list of five things men should never do when hitting on women whom they have never met.

1. Never lick your lips, LL Cool J Style, at a woman you've never met. Hell, even if you've met it's still a turn-off. Women do not think lip-licking men are sexy, and no matter how crazy they might be about LL Cool J, it does not leave them hot and bothered...in fact it is down right disgusting!
2. Never make a blatantly sexually charged comment to a woman you've just met. Man says, "Hi, you look delicious." Man proceeds to lick lips. This does not make a woman feel flattered or sexy. In fact it makes women feel like their personal space has been invaded without their permission. 
3. A man flagging a woman down in traffic and hoping she will pull over just to meet you is a bit egotistical, no matter how hot your car is. What, do men think that we women fantasize about meeting a total stranger in traffic and telling all our girls about it? Get over your car, no self-respecting woman likes being flagged down.
4. When a group of men approach a table of women and ask the women in they can join them and the women say no. Please men, do not take it upon yourselves to then buy the table drinks. The women, believe it or not, are just not interested. 
5. If a woman has been giving you one-word responses for ten minutes and she's refused to give you her name. If she cringes each time your creepy hand snakes out to touch her shoulder and if she is trying hard to look like you are not talking to her, then why man, oh why ask her for her number?

I don't promise that if you stop doing one or all of the above you will get laid. But I do guarantee you that you'll look less like a psycho and seem less like a pest. She will not have to blacklist you to all her girls, who could be hotter than she is.

And just to sign off, men who cannot stand up straight after a couple of drinks and who cannot keep their hands to themselves should not go where there is booze and women in the same space. Men, retrain your boys and save us the drama!